Harry Potter. Several Bottles of Wine. A very rudimentary knowledge of the cuter pokemon. Ladies and Gentleman: 90’s Nostalgia, Hammed Harry Potter edition.
- Your HBO Go login information.
- Surprise pizza delivery on a day when you know they are marathoning something shitty on Netflix and can’t be bothered to make food or even leave the couch.
- A written and notarized promise to stop spoiling television shows via .gif sets just…
So much #4 and some vegan Zza please.
We filmed this months ago, and weirdly it is our last Tea & Crackas before our hiatus. But fear not…there are more vids coming…that involve the 90’s. And Alcohol. SO MUCH ALCOHOL.
For now enjoy me waxing poetic about a car movie and Adele getting bored.
To some degree many people deal with anxiety. Social media amplies anxiety in immeasurable ways.
I love social media but every once in a while I worry that it affects me, that it gives power to my anxiety. FOMO, mean comments, seeing your grade school frenemies out-succeeding you… it’s weird uncharted territory that has never been quite so pervasive.
My husband Chris deleted his Facebook a few years ago and I envy him, yet there is no way I’d be willing to do it. I may not want to go to the party(any party…ever…)but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to read the tweets about it and regret not being there. When I lose a twitter follower I can’t just let it go, I have to agonize over whyyyy. Why doesn’t the spambot love me? Why did they follow me in the first place? What is life?
Sometimes emails are great. Sometimes they’re from my agent or editor and those ones are basically only stressful. Mostly they seem to be from yoga studios I visited once several years ago or for Groupon Teeth Whitening services.
But in modern life- as a writer, as a comedian, as an actress, social media is king and the internet is not going away anytime soon. What are my options? Move to some sort of commune in Oregon? If those hipster hippes don’t run everything on their IPads I’ll be damned. I’m crap at butter churning so I won’t be transitioning into any sort of Amish lifestyle anytime soon.
That’s all. There’s no punch line, and no clever comment on all of this. It’s just where my brain is at. Thanks internet psychologist. I love you.
Hey Lovers and Pals,
We spent this week doing what we always do, filming and editing a silly video for you. This week, however we need your help! This one is for a contest, and “audience interaction” is one of the major criteria we are being judged on.
Please watch, share, and Rate often! (Move the briefs on the rate bar to “10” then click rate;)
I came across a casting call for a Food & Travel show host and within 5 minutes I had sent in an application & demo, e-mailed my agent and started planning my first few seasons. Sure I want to be an actress and comedian…but honestly I spend more time with Gordon Ramsey weekly than GB Shaw or Mamet, so maybe this is more where I’m at right now.
So producers, here are a few key reasons you should consider casting me!
1. I am a young woman, but with the soul of a less famous Larry David. If that doesn’t appeal to the Food Network crowd…who will it appeal to?
(In no way a rhetorical question. Please reply)
Seriously though, a large number of my friends are Food Network/Cooking Show fanatics. And I feel like majority of the hosts are at least Late 30s+. Granted most of them are extremely successful chefs who have worked for years to get where they are. But it wouldn’t hurt the channel to have a younger host to appeal to the rapidly growing young demographic. Who else will teach the hipsters how to be foodies? (Ew, just threw up, sorry about that.)
2.Social Media & Fan Interaction
I am 24. I, like all my peers am addicted to the internet. The amount of time I spend on social media is reprehensible. I would social media the shit out of my show. Twitter, Facebook, Instagram? Done. Youtube Vlogs replying to Fans and Haters? Don’t Mind if I do.
Not to brag or anything, but Klout is already constantly trying to send me free swag such as toothbrushes, British TV streaming services and Band-Aids, so I’d say my social media presence is well on it’s way.
3. I LOVE FOOD
I mean I imagine this is the case for most people applying for a position like this, but for real, yo. Food and comedy are ma life. A mac and cheese burrito is probably the greatest thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. I’m not ashamed. The pure joy I get from eating and preparing food is the spice of my life. I’ve been a cook, food writer, and amateur dinner party host. I get messages from my facebook friends asking for recipes and continually bake with my mother-in-law, incorporating more and more alcohol into the goodies. For my birthday we made Irish Stout cupcakes with Whiskey frosting, I mean, really.
4.As a vegetarian, I can provide a unique POV
Honestly, this is another area that Food programming is severely lacking in. Knowledge of and an openness to Plant Based Food is a rapidly growing lifestyle, and my experiences and ability to not be a douche about it could be a huge asset. Sure, I’ll be open to showcasing all kinds of food and drink, but that doesn’t mean it would hurt to champion Kale or Almond Milk every so often. Or you can just put me across a table from Anthony Bourdain until he makes me cry and I give him a copy of a Jonathan Safran Foer book. Everything Is Illuminated.
5. It will give me license to get a little fat
While this may not have any bearing on why you would pick me, it would be freaking awesome to be like “Well, I am contractually obligated to eat these croissants”. Actually, there is a brilliant title idea- “Contractually Obligated To Eat”. Done.
6. I have THREE passports
As a citizen of Canada, The United States Of America and South Africa, I am basically a spy who can travel the world. What better use could I put that gift to than filming myself enjoying travel, restaurants, and food? Oh many uses? Humanitarian aid, you say? Building Wells? Shut it.*
*It= The oven full of freshly baking cookies.
7. I will hustle non-stop
Forget what you’ve heard about “Millennials”, I will hustle and work non-stop on behalf of this job. I’ll also continue freelancing as a writer, auditioning for acting gigs, babysitting, and probably working a restaurant joe job at the same time. I’m a master of multi-tasking and there is no amount of work that I’m unwilling to conquer.
Test every sushi spot for the best Yam Tempura? Alright.An interview with Hannah Hart of My Drunk Kitchen? Gladly. Home testing a weird biscuit recipe? I’m into it. Battling a child winner of MasterChef Jr. in the most absurd cook-off that I will obviously lose? I AM SO THERE IT IS INSANE.
So there you have it, my fair producers. Just a few reasons you should sit down with me. Of course I’m also delightful and can prattle on about any food topic in a witty and pop culturally relevant way. Oh and I’m sure that you can pay me less then most of your other applicants, so don’t forget your bottom line, you know?
"You collard chopping skills are adequate…" -Chef David Adjey, St.Lawrence Market Scavenger Hunt & Cooking Demo
"You got a job as a cook? I thought your sister was the good cook!" -My Super Supportive Aunt
"Hmm, this texture is…interesting…." -My dad, on a deepfried chickpea cutlet
Kristy wrote a piece about the very table that will appear in a bunch of Hot Cousin videos later this month. Deal wit it.